Proofreader's Corner

Web address change

2011-07-19T10:32:00.000-04:00

The Cranky Yankee Proofreading Service is now at http://crankyyankeeweb.com/proofreader.html. I hadn't logged into crankyyankee.biz for long enough that my webhost deactivated my account, and now I'm having trouble getting into that domain to edit it. Since I have access to the other domain, the proofreading service has been moved.
Here's my spellcheck poem for your entertainment:
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes eye dew knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight fore it too say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It tells mi strait aweigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the era rite.
Its rarely ever wrong.

I've sent this massage threw it,
And I'm shore your pleased two no,
Its letter prefect in every weigh.
Mi checker tolled mi sew!

And you think spellcheck is all you need?

Stupid Politicians

2010-07-05T10:02:00.004-04:00

The woman who was my representative in Congress before I moved to my present residence has been characterized as the stupidest woman in Congress. During a hurricane last year she demanded that the local government provide sandbags to protect her home. A current opponent, playing on this incident, had his supporters deliver sandbags to her home. Her reply, repeated on the local radio stations, was one double negative after another. "It's not no game." "Don't bring no trash . . . " She may think that the second negative reinforces or emphasizes the first, but it really cancels it out.

I'm tempted to send her a letter saying how grateful I am that I was able to move out of her district. Those recordings really make her sound like an uneducated idiot. She's listed as the top earmarker in this area, bringing "federal funds" to her district, but I'm still praying somebody will defeat her.

"You and me" or "You and I"

2009-12-14T10:34:00.002-05:00

A lot of people use one or the other ALL the time, either not knowing which is right or not caring. Determining which to use is really very easy. If you would say "I" or "we", use you and I; if "me" or "us" sounds right, use you and me.
Examples: When you and I went fishing, did you have to forget the bait?
That boat was just made for you and me!
You and I tried to catch something for dinner, but they just weren't biting for you and me.

"Me" or "Myself"?

2009-10-17T08:16:00.002-04:00

I keep hearing people use "myself" incorrectly. i.e "Send it to Tom or myself" Well, you could send it to me, but I'm the only one who can send it to myself. I'm sure you can find other examples every day on radio or TV. Keep your ears open--if I get enough samples, I'll add another post and give you credit for submitting them.

Avoid writing badly

2009-03-16T17:52:00.001-04:00

Good Article: The Essence of Bad Writing! is a great article. He's also offering a writing course on a free CD. Get that link in the article.

The Wizard of Was

2008-09-14T14:16:00.002-04:00

The Language Perfectionist: The Wizard of Was
By Don Hauptman
What's wrong with these sentences?
"He acts as if he was the boss."
"What if war was outlawed?"
"I wish I was taller."
Of course, each "was" should be "were." But why?
The rule is that if the statement is hypothetical or otherwise contrary to fact, the subjunctive "were" is correct. That's easy to remember, isn't it?
You may occasionally encounter, or write, a sentence in which it's open to debate whether the situation described is real or hypothetical, and thus whether "was" or "were" is the right choice. But such cases are rare. Most of the time, the correct word is obvious.
This is yet another battle that we language purists may be losing. But those who are educated and respect language know the rules. If you flout them, you may be judged illiterate, low class, or unworthy of an important assignment or promotion. So it often pays to observe conventional wisdom.
You've probably heard the song "If I Were a Rich Man" from the musical Fiddler on the Roof. A Russian peasant who doesn't even speak English got it right! So no one has an excuse.
[Ed Note: For more than three decades, Don Hauptman was an award-winning independent direct-response copywriter and creative consultant. He is author of The Versatile Freelancer, an e-book recently published by AWAI that shows writers and other creative professionals how to diversify their careers into speaking, consulting, training, and critiquing.]

This article appears courtesy of Early To Rise, the Internet’s most popular health, wealth, and success e-zine. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.earlytorise.com/.

Traffic Exchange Splash Page

2008-08-13T10:30:00.002-04:00

"Who says traffic exchanges are DEAD? They have not join Lords of Traffic"

Traffic Report

2007-09-19T08:48:00.000-04:00

Heard on a local radio station: "The wet roads were blamed on the accident." Now it's possible that the tractor trailers involved were carrying liquids, but since it was raining, I think they meant that the the wet roads were blamed FOR the accident.

Does Anybody Write (or Speak) "Standard" English Anymore?

2007-07-19T11:17:00.000-04:00

Nobody on radio or TV seems to know the difference between less and fewer, or between good and well. They are doing good, and eating less calories, and buying vehicles that use less gallons of gas per mile. Now one can do good, but that refers to good works. What, in context, they seem to mean is that they are doing well. To get to the grammar lesson, do is a verb that needs to be modified by an adverb, not an adjective. Well is an adverb; good is an adjective. As a previous post noted--if you can count the items you are referring to, use fewer, i.e. fewer gallons, less gas.

Another ubiquitous error is the use of the possessive form ('s) to indicate a plural. How did that get started? Could part of the problem be the pop psychology idea that we damage our children when we(God forbid)tell them that something they've done is WRONG? Is their self-esteem really so fragile that correcting their errors will destroy them? Of course the longer this goes on, the fewer people there will be who know that others are mangling the English language, so the manglers will just appear normal rather than ignorant or uneducated. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can reverse or at least slow down this trend?

The Whole World is Learning English

2006-11-17T09:33:00.000-05:00

So much of the internet is in English that netizens worldwide are learning English.
EN 101 is THE site on the web for easy language learning. Their main product is English language classes, but you can also learn Spanish, Russian or Chinese and the courses are taught in all the major languages of this planet. There are translation scripts available, but nothing beats understanding the original language that something was written in. And even the best translation programs can come up with some very funny results if you go from one language to another . . .to another . . . to another. . .or another before returning to the original. It's sort of like the old children's game where people sit in a circle and one person whispers something to the next person who passes it on around the circle until it gets back to the start and bears very little resemblance to what was originally sent.

Kids learn languages easily and retain what they learn. A second language learned as a child gets "hard-wired" into their brains. I learned German before I learned English and even though for years I suppressed it and did not consciously understand German, it all came back when I took German in High School, and has been there whenever I've needed it since. One side effect is that every other language I have studied, I've spoken with a German accent. (Considering the current world situation, that might be safer than speaking with an American accent.) Having been bilingual as a child also made it easier to learn other languages and made it possible to retain them. I still remember most of my 2 years of French taken over 40 years ago, (and the one semester of Russian a few years later.)

So give your kids a head start with a subscription to EN 101. Their new Kids 101 makes learning fun. Check it out today.

"typos" Discussed

2006-11-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

We had an interesting conversation about misspellings on web pages in the weekend conference for Magic Highway Traffic Exchanges. The majority opinion was that misspellings stand out and hit the reader in the eye. They tend to distract the viewer from the message of the site, and detract from the impression of authority and professionalism that the site owner should be trying to project.
But, just to show we are all human, one of the members who was quite vocal in the discussion managed to misspell her own name when entering the prize drawing.
Looks like we all need a good proofreader. :-)

Save BIG on Kids' Clothes

2006-09-19T14:41:00.001-04:00

Now YOU can save BIG on kids' clothes. Magic Kids buys overstock brand name first quality children's clothes and sells them for a fraction of what the big retailers charge. Log on to their website at: http://www.magickidsusa.com and click the log in link at the top left of the page. Create your account and type MK26601-B3-000 where it asks for a discount code. Then you can shop and save to your heart's content. Never again will keeping your kids clothed stress your budget!

Proofreader's Note: "Kids' " is the possessive form of the plural of kid. "Kid's" is either a contraction of "kid is" or the possessive form of the singular of kid.

Bill Cosby is right.

2006-08-05T19:31:00.000-04:00

"Just get it did" "I didn't never say that!" "I ain't NEVER . . . "

Prudential used to run remedial English classes for their customer service representatives. Can you imagine the expense if a customer got a letter with a double negative in it and decided to hold the company to exactly what the letter said?

When that's the sort of misuse you hear all around you, you start to wonder if anyone knows how to speak correctly. Just like some black children look down on their studious classmates as "acting white" speaking correctly can get children ostracised. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could get some positive peer pressure to encourage learning and correct English usage?

Company Training Website: The Rest of the Story

2006-04-26T15:28:00.000-04:00

I managed to finish all the lessons (one of my problems was that I didn't know there was an audio track and my speakers were turned off) and was one of only three in my district who did. All three of us work the same location which says something for the caliber of person that post requires. The Branch Manager and District Manager came out, took pictures with the client representative, and awarded us each a gift certificate for a local restaurant chain.
None of the information we were sent about the training site said anything about their being an audio track. They did suggest that those who did not have home computers with internet access use the computers at their local library. How did they figure that people could listen to an audio track at the library? None of the computers at my library even have speakers on them. Could you imagine five or six computers running with the sound turned up in a LIBRARY? Whatever happened to "QUIET,PLEASE!"?
Enough said about poor planning. I'm just glad its done and I'm looking forward to my free dinner.

I left 2 spelling mistakes in this post that spellcheck does not recognize as errors. Can you find them? Let me know at:
cranky.yankee@yahoo.com

and get a free copy of "Dotcomology - The Science of Making Money Online."

Good criminal record?

2006-03-29T06:59:00.000-05:00

Recommendation heard in a radio ad for a background checking website--"I can't afford to hire people with bad criminal records." Is there such a thing as a good criminal record?

Creator of Training Website Needs Retraining

2006-03-08T10:25:00.000-05:00

My company came out with a training website that it expects us to access on our own time. The first section is a repeat of some lessons we did a few years ago in printed form--on company time. One question has 4 possible answers, with one or more being correct. The review page lists numbers 3 and 4, but answers 1 and 3 together got me to the next question. So far the spelling and grammar seem to be okay, but the site navigation stinks.

"All are not. . ." or "Not all are. . " What's the difference?

2006-01-24T09:11:00.000-05:00

"All are not. ." means that not even one is. "Not all are. . " means that at least one is, and at least one isn't. I keep hearing ads saying that all are not(whatever) when obviously what is meant is that not all are. Otherwise the advertiser is saying that his product won't do what he is advertising it for under any conditions.
In that case, why is he wasting his money to advertise it, and why would anyone want to buy it?

Can I? or May I?

2005-12-21T07:59:00.000-05:00

What's the difference? In common USA usage, "may I?' has almost totally disappeared. That could just be linguistic laziness or it could have psychological roots in the 1960's rebellion. "Can I?" asks if I am capable of doing something; "may I?" asks for permission. Could it be that we no longer feel that we need anybody's permission for anything?

Update: The billboard with the misspelled store location hasn't been corrected yet.
I wonder if anyone else noticed.

Why do we...?

2005-12-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

We use acronyms all the time: PIN, ATM, VIN. And all too often we add the word that the last letter of the acronym stands for after the acronym. How often have you heard "PIN number" or "ATM machine" or a "CDL license?" What is actually being said is Personal Identification Number number, or Automatic Teller Machine machine, or Commercial Driver's License license. Isn't that a bit redundant?

More signs along the road

2005-12-08T09:37:00.000-05:00

A local business is selling "Pizsas", and another one urges us to be "gratefull." I passed a large billboard for a jewelry store that listed three locations. The third one was misspelled: "The Shoppes at Ponte Verda" instead of Ponte Vedra. I called to let them know and I have a feeling that the company they paid to create that billboard is going to be hearing from them. I'll be watching to see if it gets corrected.

Signs along the road

2005-11-29T11:20:00.000-05:00

The local Tire Kingdom store has "Michilen" tires on sale, and a local church is advertising a children's ministry production entitled "Angles Aware."

Does anybody know when to use "fewer"?

2005-10-26T00:31:00.000-04:00

Bill Bennett does, but he's the only one I've heard using it on radio or TV. Andy Willoughby says his 3 Step Plan people have "less worries." David Allen, a local Jacksonville talk show host says we need "less Senators" like Teddy Kennedy. What's the usage rule? If you can count them, use fewer; if not, use less. For example, you drink less milk, but fewer glasses. You buy less gas, but fewer gallons. It was such a pleasure hearing Bill Bennett use fewer one morning, that I called in to compliment him on it. A misuse like this perpetuates itself, because children hear the misuse and think that's the right way to say it. Add in the educational establishment view that it is harmful to children to tell them they're wrong and American English continues to go downhill. Of course, the way teachers are trained these days, the teachers may not know the correct usage to be able to teach it to anyone else.

Write a Book in 14 days or less

2005-09-23T07:33:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's the name of a book I just got. The author is offering a free email course to introduce his program, and various package plans from the basic eBook to a full program with videos and coaching. You CAN write that book you've been dreaming of.
Write MY Book

Sticklers of the World Unite!

2005-09-22T17:16:00.000-04:00

That was the call to action in the bestselling book "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves."
In "My Fair Lady" Henry Higgins asks "Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?" and comments that there are some places "where English completely disappears. Why in America they haven't used it in years." The Self-Esteem Movement on this side of the pond has decreed that it is destructive to a child's psyche to tell him he's wrong about anything, so now teachers are expected to learn "Ebonics" to communicate with the students who speak that mangled version of American English.
Business signs are rarely correct--just today, the local Publix Supermarket had a sign in the seafood department advertising "salmon fillet's." Using the possessive "'s" to show a plural is common. My boss asks me, "You done did that?" and her emails have to be seen to be believed. And they often have to be read a few times to figure out what she's trying to say. I had a few of them on a floppy but can't get it to read. Stay tuned for some Ebonics classics. Got any good (bad) examples you've seen? Feel free to comment and add them .